A literacy narrative by Jeslie Malena Molina

The one thing I could remember was not being able to read the big scary words written on a book too big for my small hands. I was a child, so very young and new to the world of reading. However, even then, I still felt slow. I had so much trouble being able to look at the words in front of me and be able to announce them for all. I stumbled across the words. I skipped letters. I slurred some of the bigger pronunciations. It was embarrassing.

I still remember the times when I was called. Me, called to depict the information in front of me. At that moment my heart races. My hands fidget and they hold each other for comfort. The words can’t seem to make it from my brain to my lips so say “Please, skip me”. So I look down at the book given to each student in my class. In this cool room, it feels like the eyes of millions are on me.

I began to read. Relatively fluently however when I mess up. Every single time I’ve messed up, the room feels extra quiet. More quiet than a memorial, library, exam, or even a cemetery. How? How could I mess up the easiest of things? Reading. It was so easy for everyone else. I mean come on. How hard is it to not stumble across words written for you? To not skip over letters or slur the pronunciation of bigger words. In those moments where I messed up I knew that very second I made a fool of myself, and so I felt slow.

When that happens to a kid they learn to steer clear of their teacher’s gaze when they’re choosing who to doom next. They learn to make pleading eyes to communicate “Please, don’t pick on me. You know I have a hard time reading.”

Reading wasn’t even the worst of it. Oh no, comprehension was. The ability to read and retain the information given. The ability to read the unique language of the author and understand what they had written. It is truly a gift. It makes the world more interesting right? You can dive into the world or your books. Delve into the character’s personalities, devour all the lore, and be able to put yourself in the character’s shoes. It’s an escape from the world, if you can focus that is. If you can sit still for more than ten minutes and absorb the words written. If you can not stumble across the words, if you don’t skip the letters or mess up any pronunciations you can enjoy a book. Not all are bestowed with this grace. For the ones who aren’t, we continue the path of our life with the lingering embarrassment that is the inability to properly read.

Now, no one is ever truly alone. By that I mean there is help. I had my troubles. I had my embarrassing moments. I’ve had all the hard conversations. However, the right person was there for me. Stroll into the nicely lit office. The main office.The warming scent of all the cups of coffee floating around.

Here, as a small child, I sat and waited to be picked up by my mother when an office lady came to me to help me spend my time wisely. She asks the age-old questions. “Do you like to read? What books do you read?” I had no shame so I simply answered, “I don’t read, I can’t do it right so I don’t like books either.” So what did we do then? She had me sit down and read to her. Over, and over, and over, and over, until I got it right. Until I felt like a magical fairy was stuffing cotton balls in my throat the longer I spoke without a sip of water. I read until I didn’t stumble across words. I read until I did not skip any letters. I read until I could pronounce everything right. I read aloud until I could read properly. I read until I felt proud of myself. Ms. Office Lady was the push I needed. I wasn’t truly alone, she helped me. Though not perfectly polished. How I read is good enough. No longer would I need to fidget in my hands practicing the next lines to be read in class. No longer would I need to plead to the teacher with my eyes. Enlightened with the grace of reading gave me the ability to feel confident and proud all I needed was a small push.

Even with my troubles and doubts, I was able to arise anew. No longer to be silently shunned for screwing up seemingly the easiest thing. No longer stumbling across words, skipping letters, or mispronouncing the hefty words.